Our Story

By Bob and Lisa

About Bob and Lisa

Bob is the Manager of Information Technology for a healthcare insurance company. He has been with the firm for 19 years. He enjoys playing basketball and tennis and is an avid NASCAR fan. He is currently pursuing his bachelor's degree in Information Technology.

Lisa has been a teacher for 13 years and has taught every grade level from Kindergarten through 8th grade. She is a natural born nurturer and her love of children and their development, both academically and socially, is what prompted her to enter the teaching profession. Lisa possesses bachelor's and master's degrees in education and is preparing for her doctorate.

After years of trying to complete our family, the addition of Bryan has been the biggest blessing of our lives. He has been such a joy and we are completely in love with him. With our love and guidance, Bryan has become a happy, loving and playful little child.

In-Vitro

We had been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a baby of our own. Age had been a contributing factor, although Lisa still had a few years left until the so-called "cut-off" point of age 43. When we decided that trying to conceive naturally just wasn't working, we turned to in-vitro fertilization, or IVF. The first attempt resulted in a miscarriage just after nine days after implant, and a second attempt failed to produce any quality eggs. The total costs of these IVF attempts were approximately $25,000.

Surrogacy

The next option in line was surrogacy. Whereas our IVF doctors had given us a 10% of a successful pregnancy, surrogacy had given us a 50% chance. However, surrogacy proved to be even more of a nightmare. The first surrogate agency we went with was a start-up agency. We were introduced to a young woman that we really liked and felt good about. Soon after signing the necessary paperwork and moving forward with the process, the surrogate began showing signs of questionable conduct. When we brought this to the attention of the agency, the agency decided to do a background check. We were upset that a background check was not conducted in the first place. In any event, it was discovered that the surrogate had a criminal background, two different last names and was actually suing a previous couple who had chosen her to carry their child. So we terminated their relationship with that agency, and unfortunately lost our $1,000, non-refundable deposit.

We then retained the services of another, more established surrogate agency. We had been matched with a first-time surrogate. The surrogate was successfully impregnated. However, the surrogate abruptly stopped taking the fertility shots after ten weeks and immediately miscarried. Devastated, we wanted to try one more time, with a new surrogate. Unfortunately, Lisa just didn't have enough quality eggs to continue so we decided that it was time to adopt. By this time, we had spent over $60,000 in surrogate and agency fees.

Adoption

We opted for open adoption. We felt that this would be in the best interest of the child by giving the natural parents the opportunity to be a part of his/her life. Before, during and after the birth of Baby Bryan, we had assured the birth parents that we wanted them to continue to be a part of his life. We had made arrangements to fly them to California during Christmas and have them stay with us that weekend. We also sent photos and letters on a regular basis, as promised. Unfortunately, this has turned out to be yet another heartbreak for us. Four months after we arrived home with our beautiful new baby boy, the birth parents decided they wanted him back and we are now involved in a financially devastating and emotionally draining court battle. And while they are using unethical tactics, threats and false accusations (including being involved in a black market baby selling ring headed by California Governor Arnold Schwarzennegar), we had still sent photos and update letters with the hope that the birth parents will drop the case so that we can salvage our relationship with them and continue to maintain the arrangements that we had all agreed upon.

Trial

All attempts at any resolution had failed and the case finally went to trial. After three weeks of evidence and testimony, the judge had ruled in our favor. The adoption is to continue.

Appeal

The birth parents attempted to appeal before the finalization. However, the appellate court dismissed their appeal on grounds that the finalization must first take place. The appellants petitioned for a rehearing and that petition was quickly denied.

Finalization

We finalized on Friday morning, August 13, 2010! In a bittersweet ceremony at the Children's Courthouse, we were finally granted legal custody of Bryan. Family members and close friends attended and had made some very emotional speeches. However, we now await the official appeal from the birth parents.

Why?

While it is difficult to speculate the intentions of the birth parents, there are a number of facts based on their allegations, court-ordered psychological evaluations, depositions, lack of attendance at a number of court-ordered hearings and status conferences, lack of interest in exercising their right to visit with Bryan and their absence at trial that may indicate there are underlying reasons for contesting this adoption that remain to be seen.

One Final Note

Our purpose here is not to speak derogatorily of the birth parents. We are not here to slander or defame their character. As a matter of fact, there is very little personally identifiable information throughout this web site, other than our first names. As difficult as it is to accept their actions against us, we are just hoping to bring this matter to a close, move on with our lives and continue giving Bryan our love and attention despite this dark cloud that will forever hang over us.

In addition, we are not opposing open adoption. We are merely asking those who choose open adoption to do plenty of research, and to ask their adoption attorneys/agencies a lot of questions, especially that of contested adoptions.

Lastly, if your adoption attorney/agency tries to reassure you that contested adoptions are rare and adoptions that are contested are rarely overturned, please be aware that contested adoptions do occur and will result in emotional and financial turmoil for the adoptive family that may well last for many years.

To date, Bob and Lisa have spent well over $100,000 in litigation costs.

Litigation fees continue to mount and we are reaching out to our family, friends and community to help keep Baby Bryan home.

To read about the case and court proceedings, click here...